Breaking Free from Regret: The Cure for If Only Itis
Ever catch yourself thinking, “If only I’d made a different choice…”? That’s if-only-itis, and it can keep you stuck in regret instead of moving toward your dreams. In this episode of The BIGG Success Show, George and Mary-Lynn share three powerful steps to cure if-only-itis and take back control of your life. You’ll discover how to shift from “if only” to “what if,” determine which goals are worth pursuing, and challenge the limiting beliefs that hold you back. George even shares his own story of how examining the fit led him back to college after dropping out.
Read the this full podcast episode summary on our website.
Takeaways:
- The concept of 'if only itis' represents an unhealthy mindset that can hinder progress.
- Exploring possibilities by reframing regrets into 'what if' questions opens new opportunities.
- Examining the fit of one's goals and aspirations is crucial for personal growth.
- Propelling oneself forward requires asking why not, challenging self-imposed limitations and fears.
- Acknowledging that past choices do not define one's future is essential for success.
- Taking proactive steps towards change can transform regret into actionable plans for improvement.
Transcript
Welcome to the BIGG Success show today. Three steps to cure If Only Itis.
BIGG voice guy:BIGG success with The Professor and Mary-Lynn.
George:
If Only Itis. Does that mean we've invented a disease Mary-Lynn?
Mary-Lynn:It is a disease. Yeah.
George:Yes, it is. It's actually an unhealthy state of mind and it's the type of thinking that can impact your present and your future if you don't put a stop to it fast, very fast.
Mary-Lynn:We're going to tell you how to do that today.
George:Hi, I'm George Krueger, AKA the Professor.
Mary-Lynn:And I'm Mary-Lynn. Cambridge dictionary says we use if only to express a strong wish that things could be different.
It means the same as I wish, but it's stronger than that.
George:Yeah. And I actually think I wish and if only are worlds apart. Because I mean like I wish. Oh, I wish, you know, upon a star. But, but like I wish to me is....
More forward thinking and I mean it's a step maybe in forward thinking. You got to go beyond just wishing, obviously, because you don't have a genie in a magic bottle.
But boy, that is so different than if only, which to me is an expression of regret.
Mary-Lynn:Exactly. And what are some common examples, Professor, that you know, you hear a lot?
George:Oh, there's so many, aren't there? If only I had gone to college, if only i had taken that job, if only I had gotten a different degree.
If only I had moved to a different city, if only I had bought that car, if only I had married that person. I mean, we could go on and on and on. You know, sometimes I feel like it's easy to if only yourself to death, at least mental death, right?
Mary-Lynn:Yeah, absolutely. And it's all focused on that outcomes would be better if I'd made a different choice. That's what it seems.
George:Yeah. And you know, the funny thing is, Mary-Lynn, you may be right. But so what? That's not what happened. That's not what you live. That's not where you're at.
And, and the thing that you see from successful people is they're constantly taking where they're at and, and working towards to get to something new, something better, something bigger, something that's part of their vision for their life. And that's what we all have to do as BIGG go-getters.
Mary-Lynn:And that's BIGG with two G's.
George:That's right, baby.
Mary-Lynn:And Professor, could it be that this If Only Itis also provides an excuse to just sit on it and do nothing?
George:Oh, I think so. You know, it makes me think, Mary-Lynn, of the friend of mine who...
He's 38 years old, and one day we're talking and he said, well, if only my mom had taken me to Disney World, I would be much happier. It's like you've had 20 years since you turned 18 to go to Disney World.
Mary-Lynn:This is an adult grown man who's complaining that he didn't get to go to Disney World?
George:Yes. And so, you know, the point is, we can use if only as an excuse. And my challenge to him was, why don't you go to Disney now? I mean, just get.
Plan the vacation, make the phone calls, get the reservations. Come on, let's go. You know, because that's.
That's the difference between if only just getting you stuck in the muck or just, you know, hey, let's do something about it. That's the point. That's the point to the Disney trip, Right? You can do something about it now. Quit counting on your mom!
Be, you know, grow up, little boy. No, I'm teasing. Because it's so easy to fall into this trap, though.
Mary-Lynn:Right. I'm sorry. I was breaking into the Mickey Mouse.
George:I noticed that. Mary-Lynn. I'm sorry.
Mary-Lynn:Probably folks here listening who have no idea it's M I C. See you real soon. K E Y. Why? Because we love you. M O U S E.
George:Well done.
Mary-Lynn:Look that up on YouTube. There was a Mickey Mouse show.
George:Yes.
Mary-Lynn:Back in the day.
George:Before our time, I think.
Mary-Lynn:Well, yeah, I. I remember seeing it when I was a kid.
George:Well, reruns, I think. Or maybe. Yeah, maybe it was the real thing.
Mary-Lynn:But anyway, let's go to the Professor's whiteboard for three steps to cure If Only Itis.
George:Oh, if only I'd cleaned out this closet earlier.
Mary-Lynn:All right, step one, Explore the possibilities.
George:Yeah. You know, Mary-Lynn, instead of saying "if only," how about if we start saying "what if?"
Now, what if can actually be kind of like a cousin to if only, Right? Ah, what if I had gotten that college degree that I, you know...
Mary-Lynn:Oh, true.
BIGG voice guy:So you have to be careful with this. But the thing is, it can also be a question that opens possibilities. And that's what we're talking about here, that if you ask yourself, what if?
So, in other words, let's just say that you say I didn't get a college degree. Well, now the question becomes is, well, what if I went back and got my college degree now?
Mary-Lynn:So instead of if only I'd have gotten my college degree? There'd be so many opportunities.
BIGG voice guy:Yes.
Mary-Lynn:Now you change it to what if I went and got my college degree? What opportunities could open for me?
BIGG voice guy:So we're bringing the power away from the past into the present. And that's the key, critical first step is to explore the possibilities.
Ask yourself simply, what if? What if I did this one thing that I'm regretting? What if I did it now?
Mary-Lynn:Step two on The Professor's Whiteboard on how to cure If Only Itis: Examine the fit.
BIGG voice guy:Yeah. Now here's what I mean by that.
You know, you've got your vision, you've got your mission, you've got your values, you've got everything in your life right now and you're thinking about, okay, what if I get a college degree now? Well, the next question to ask yourself is, is it consistent with my vision? Is it consistent with my mission? Is this part of it?
Because a lot of times we spend so much time lamenting the past, we don't say, you know what, I'm regretting that I didn't do that. But you know, the reality is I don't need the college degree now. I've got all this experience. I'm not saying that's the case for everybody.
I'm saying that could be the case for you is you've risen so far in your career, what you need, you want to do with your life does not require going back to get a college degree. If it does, by all means do it, but it may not.
And be aware of that is that we may just be holding on to something because you know, as humans, we, we like to complete what we start. I dropped out of college. I went back at a certain point because it just ate me alive. I had to get a college degree.
Mary-Lynn:You having the...were you having if only itis about it?
BIGG voice guy:Constantly. Yes, constantly. It ate me up for years and I finally went back and got my degree and then I went ahead and got my advanced degree and that allowed me to start teaching at the college.
Mary-Lynn:Right, right. To be The Professor.
BIGG voice guy:Be The Professor, yes.
Mary-Lynn:But you were a business owner at the time.
BIGG voice guy:I was.
Mary-Lynn:So I mean, you could have just continued on being a business owner. You didn't have to go back.
George:I didn't have to go back.
Mary-Lynn:In order to be successful.
George:No.
Mary-Lynn:But that if only wouldn't let go. You had to do something about it.
George:I did. And, and you know, the truth of the matter, Mary-Lynn, is I don't know that I got...
Because I was a business owner and I had already self taught myself so much about business. I'm not sure that I had to get the college degree.
I mean, even today, I don't know that I had to get the college degree, except it allowed me to live the life I really want to live because I got to teach. And so, you know, I had a professor who was a model and he taught and then had his own real estate business. And I'm like, I like that.
I like that model. And so for me, that was the perfect fit. That what if was consistent with my goals, my vision, everything that I wanted to do in life.
And so I answered the question, you know, what if? And then why? So the why is the one that kind of really helped me. That's what we're saying. Examine the fit. Ask yourself why.
Why is this so important to me? Why is it that I want to go back and get a college degree or get a different degree or take a new job or whatever it may be.
Why is that so important to you? That's the question you ask. So what if? And then why? Why is it so important?
Mary-Lynn:And that brings us to number three, the three step cure to If Only Itis. The Professor's Whiteboard is: Propel yourself forward.
BIGG voice guy:Yeah. So we've asked ourself, what if? So we're kind of questioning whether or not, what if we did it now. We've asked ourselves, why?
Mary-Lynn:Why is it important?
BIGG voice guy:Why is it important? Now we go to the last question, which is, why not? Why not? Now what we do is we kind of change this thinking.
Now it's like, okay, we're going to take it away from you. We're going to take it away from you for a second and say, okay, you can't do it. Yeah, you can. Why not? Why can't you do it?
What's stopping you from doing it? That's what this question is doing. It's going to overwhelm.
All the overwhelm that's going to hit you as the negative part of our brains kind of are telling us, you can't do that. You don't want to do that. That's too hard.
Mary-Lynn:You can't go back to school. You can't change your career now.
BIGG voice guy:Precisely. You know, I've too much this, I've got too much that, I've got this, whatever. That all goes away with a simple question, why not? Why not?
And that's the question you're going to ask yourself the third time around.
Mary-Lynn:So let's review The Professor's Whiteboard, the three steps to cure If Only Itis. Number one, explore the possibilities. Number two, examine the fit. And number three, propel yourself forward.
BIGG voice guy:We're going to close the day with a quote by Robin Sharma. Just love this quote, man. He nails it here. "Stop being a prisoner of your past. Become the architect of your future." That leads to BIGG success.
Mary-Lynn:Are you ready to build your future? Our free Life Purpose Quiz can help. Find it at BIGG Success that's BIGG with two GS success dot com.
BIGG voice guy:And if we ended the show without doing what we're about to do, I would be saying, if only we had done it. So what we want to say is thank you so much for listening today.
Mary-Lynn:And until next time, here's
George & Mary-Lynn:Here's to your BIGG success!
BIGG voice guy:Find BIGG Success at BIGGsuccess.com
